Share more pictures of your pets. Don’t forget to call your mother. Socialism is communism with tenure, fascism with office hours.
Years from now, when historians recount the tale of Robert Mueller, Special Counsel, they will remember him as the villain of the story, and they’ll remember the press conference he held Wednesday morning as the moment he pulled off the mask to prove he was the bad guy, all along. After two years, and $30 million, Mueller staged one of the most closely watched public statements of all time, and publicly stated absolutely nothing substantive.
Instead, Mueller delivered jumbled rhetoric which simultaneously boosted the hopes of both President Donald Trump’s supporters and detractors alike, while dashing them all on the rocks. Mueller practically dared the Democrats to impeach Trump: "As set forth in the report, after that investigation, if we had had confidence that the president clearly did not commit a crime, we would have said so,” while swearing they should expect no help from him: “I would not provide information beyond that which is already public in any appearance before Congress.” His verbal fence-straddling essentially forced Trump’s avatars to infer exoneration: “It would be unfair to potentially — it would be unfair to potentially accuse somebody of a crime when there can be no court resolution of the actual charge..” while begging the Democrats to parse his words enough to proclaim he had called for impeachment: “Charging the president with a crime was therefore not an option we could consider.”
It is possible that Mueller was trying to play Solomon, making a statement which gives both sides on which to hang their hopes, perhaps underestimating the level of partisan rancor in Washington has reached the point where anything that doesn’t make the other team miserable is seen as tantamount to treason. But that assumes he’s surprisingly naïve. It strains credulity to suggest a man who has orbited near the central core of power since the mid-1970s could believe partisans who hate each other the way I hate cancer would accept his work as Special Counsel as the end of the story. And it cracks credulity like an egg to suggest a man who has stood as such a legal giant doesn’t know that “we can’t be sure he didn’t commit a crime,” when cast against the system of justice of which he’s been a part for over 40 years, carries the same legal force as “he didn’t commit a crime.”
Instead of putting to rest the single most divisive issue in American politics, Mueller instead hedged every bet. His refusal to directly exonerate the President of malfeasance jabs Trump, who mercilessly hounded Mueller and his “witch hunt,” right in the nose, while his refusal to directly implicate the President of wrongdoing kicks the Democrats, who abandoned him the moment his report didn’t load their guns, square in the shins. He even managed to throw some subtle shade into his praise of Attorney General William Barr: “I do not question the Attorney General’s good faith in that decision (to release the entire report).”
By couching his closing argument in ambiguity, Mueller tried to play the Democrats’ Horatio at the bridge, while still casting himself as the Republicans’ Leonidas at the gates. Handed the hottest political potato in decades, Mueller stuck a stick of dynamite in it, and handed it back. A hero would have held on.
Senator Elizabeth Warren is back to promoting her plan to pay off the student loan debt of most Americans who carry it. Her plan calls for a penalty on the most successful, which would then be used to fund “gender studies” degrees. Majoring in something useful, and then working hard, is for suckers.
California Governor Gavin Newsom called the growing homelessness crisis plaguing California a “national disgrace,” and announced that he is launching a task force to find solutions. Gee, I wonder what could have caused a super-liberal state, run for generations by super-liberal people, to encounter the same problems which crop up in every super-liberal place? It’s a real head-scratcher, and Newsom is gonna get to the bottom of it with a panel of more super-liberals – just as soon as they can get to the mystery machine without stepping in piles of poo and needles.
After an exhaustive investigation, the law firm McGuireWoods announced they were unable to determine whether a picture in the 1984 Eastern Virginia Medical School yearbook depicting one man in blackface and another in KKK garb does include Virginia Governor Ralph Northam. The picture which was taken, selected, approved, published, admitted to, and then denied by Northam could be of someone else. It was the early 80s. Everyone was taking blackface and Klan pics!
Remember when the Democrats campaigned on Republicans’ refusal to address America’s infrastructure? Well, I guess they’re not that worried about it, since they’re shelving plans for improvement until they’re finished investigating President Donald Trump. They’re holding your bridges and highways hostage just to hassle the President. If I get hurt because the bridge is out, can I hire Robert Mueller to sue Nancy Pelosi?
Celebrity lawyer Michael Avenatti isn’t a candidate for federal office, but he might be one for federal prison. The CNN favorite has been indicted on multiple counts of financial crimes related to his representation of porn star Stormy Daniels. I hope someone hid all the sharp objects at CNN; and put Stelter on suicide watch.
Just weeks after polling as high as 12%, Democrat Presidential aspirant Robert “Beto” O’Rourke has dropped down to also-ran status, with experts now predicting his flagging campaign may not even make it to the Iowa Caucuses. Tens of people are devastated; slightly fewer if you don’t count his dog.
Democrats opened the day jeering at Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Ben Carson for mishearing a question about Real Estate Owned (REOs) and thinking he was being asked about Oreo cookies. According to the left, Carson’s bumble proves not that he didn’t hear the question, but that he’s an idiot. The world-renowned neurosurgeon is stupid. Sure, that’s probably it.
The Mueller investigation didn’t pan out the way they hoped, so the Democrats have jumped to plan “b”: continuing to accuse President Donald Trump of covering up impeachable offenses. Trump finally hit his limit Wednesday, denouncing their endless witch hunts in a Rose Garden presser. Imma say it: I’m surprised he let it go on this long. I’d have been throwing bricks by now.
After banking on “climate change” as the key issue to secure the election, Australian liberals were shocked when voters down under overwhelmingly rejected global warmism, delivering a win to the conservative coalition over the Labor Party, despite two years of polls suggesting Labor would win in a landslide. Turns out, Aussies think as highly of crushing the economy over science fiction as Americans are. “We can name that tune in 304 electoral college votes.” – Americans
Contending with nearly two dozen competitors for the Democrats’ 2020 nomination, former Vice President, and current frontrunner, Joe Biden told a small audience that America has him to thank for the pace of the economy: “President Trump inherited an economy from Obama-Biden.” Biden left out the part where Obama promised Trump’s plans would lead to economic ruin. Calling his old boss a liar is certainly one way to set himself apart from the field.
Biden’s competition started picking up the pace over the weekend. Current 2nd placeholder Bernie Sanders declared over the weekend “If we are a nation that can pay baseball players hundreds of millions of dollars, don't tell me we can't afford to pay teachers the salaries they deserve.” Furthermore, if we are a Nation that can pay self-proclaimed socialists enough to amass a 7-figure net worth and multiple homes without working in the private sector, don't tell me we can't - oh wait, Bernie was going for something different, wasn't he?
Billionaire investor Robert Smith gave the graduating class at Morehouse College the greatest grad gift of all time: he announced during the ceremony that he would be paying off all the student loan debt of each of the graduating seniors. Democrats were quick to claim the gesture supports their plan to force US taxpayers to cover all other college students’ bills, although they must have missed the part about how Smith wasn’t forced at gunpoint.
The Democrat/media complex howled with outrage over the death of a Guatemalan child who was apprehended at the US border. According the open-borders enthusiasts, the kid was killed by Trump administration immigration policy, and not – say – liberals luring illegal aliens to put their children’s lives at risk to cash in on empty promises. I wonder if some kind of barrier or bulkhead would stop these tragedies from occurring?
And, with throwing milkshakes at conservative politicians becoming all the rage with the unhinged left in the United Kingdom, Burger King’s British branch decided to get in on the fun by encouraging Her Majesty’s crazies. The fast food chain’s UK Twitter account boasted “Dear people of Scotland. We’re selling milkshakes all weekend. Have fun. Love BK.” While some critics blasted the restaurant chain for encouraging liberals to get more violent, others noted that throwing it out is the best thing you can do with a BK milkshake. Too bad there’s no Chick-Fil-A in merrie olde England.
Alabama Governor Kay Ivey’s decision to sign her state’s anti-abortion law has touched off howls of anger from the anti-life lobby. Some have taken to warning the law would imprison rape victims, and even kill victims of incest. What’s with all the lies? I thought the abortion lobby’s argument was based in logic and science.
Ultimately, the debate continues to rage over when life begins. Pro-life people continue to insist it’s the moment of conception, whereas anti-lifers insist it’s the moment the kid can successfully evade Dr. Gosnell.
As the drums of war begin to beat off in the distance, Democrats are racing to denounce President Donald Trump’s approach to dealing with Iran. Obama minion Ben Rhodes, co-architect of the previous administration’s infamous “Iran Deal,” blasted Trump’s stance, saying it’s “rooted in lies.” As opposed to Rhodes’ big idea, which was rooted in pallets of American cash.
Liberals hit the roof of the casa when President Donald Trump announced a shift in immigration policy toward a more merit-based system. "Merit-based immigration reform is wrong!" – The Democrats "We agree!" - ISIS and MS-13
Stacey Abrams may have lost the race for Georgia’s Governor, but she still has electoral dreams. The 2018 peach state loser told MSNBC that she believes she could “enter the conversation as late as the fall and still have a chance to win.” Win what? Can she be pretend President and pretend Governor at the same time?
Coming soon, high schoolers will have a new reason to sweat the SAT. The College Board has announced the addition of a new “adversity score” factor which will go into a student’s total score. "Dear applicant, We regret to inform you that we cannot offer you admission to our institution. While your credentials are impeccable, you simply didn't have it rough growing up, so we gave your slot to a c-student who lives in a trailer park down the hill."
The State of Alabama has passed the controversial HB314, making committing abortion a felony, except under extreme circumstances limited to saving the life of the mother and/or a stillborn child. Anti-life groups were quick to blast the decision as an infringement on women’s rights. Lemme see if I have this right: gun rights must be curtailed to protect children’s lives, but children’s lives must be curtailed to protect “women’s” rights?
Much as they did in response to moves like Georgia’s “heartbeat bill,” anti-lifers portrayed the Alabama law as being pushed, and voted for, by men. And much like their response to the aforementioned laws, they ignored the fact that co-authors of the bill were women; in Alabama’s case, the woman Governor of Alabama, Kay Ivey, signed the bill into law. Is there such a thing as a “woman card?” Do the millions of pro-life women now have to turn in theirs?
Democrats are very nervous about the progress of US Attorney John Durham’s probe into the murky origins of the Mueller Investigation. They claim Attorney General Barr is “weaponizing” federal resources to conduct a partisan witch hunt. I’d say turnabout is fair play, but the Democrats might have a real reason to worry. I’m talking “prison time” worry.
Speaking of Democrats in the big house, disgraced former Congressman Anthony Weiner has been released from a New York halfway house, after serving 18 months for sending lewd text messages to an underage girl. Although Weiner will have to register as a sex offender, and report to a parole officer, authorities are required to publicize his release, for obvious reasons. Hide yo’ kids, hide yo’ wife! Well, just yo’ kids.
New York City Mayor Bill De Blasio will reportedly announce Thursday that he is seeking the Democratic nomination for President of the United States, meaning the Democrats’ 2020 campaign mobile is about to get a lot more crowded. Hope that thing has a sunroof. And someone should probably warn the groundhogs.
Former Vice President Joe Biden is still well out in front of the Democrats’ 2020 field, but he’s taking fire – from his own side. After Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY), speaking to an event organized by the far-left hate group “Sunrise Movement,” blasted “conservatives on both sides of the aisle” for refusing to consider her borderline-science-fiction “Green New Deal, her minions did not deny the communist cutie-pie was aiming specifically at Biden. You had to know this was coming. Biden predates the original New Deal, whereas Chiquita Khrushchev post-dates Biden’s original election to the Senate.
Robert Francis “Beto” O’Rourke’s “reintroduction” is going about as well as the first effort. The once-hyped Democratic presidential contender showed up on “The View,” and the appearance did not go well. O’Rourke stammered through an explanation of his privileged background, even occasionally switching from English to “Spanglish” in an effort to dodge questions. He did swear that he doesn’t smoke pot. Wait, you’re telling me he’s just like that?
Senator Elizabeth Warren made quite the stink of refusal an invitation to appear in a “town hall” on Fox News, blasting the network as “hate for profit racket.” Warren’s real reason for dodging the invite soon became clear, however. With her campaign faltering badly, she turned the retreat into a fundraising tool, asking people to donate to her as a reward for hiding. Asking people to pay her to stay off Fox News? How about we take up a collection and pay her to stay off all media – forever?
The Mueller investigation may be history, but there’s a new sheriff in town, and the Democrats are not happy about it. Attorney General William Barr has tapped federal prosecutor John Durham to look into the increasingly suspect origins of the Mueller probe, touching off shrieks of outrage by liberals, who claim Durham is President Donald Trump “weaponizing” the Department of Justice for partisan purposes. The guys who spent most of the last decade using the DoJ and IRS as artillery are suddenly opposed to that sort of thing, huh? If you’re skeered, say you’re skeered.
Montana Governor Steve Bullock announced his intention to join the Democrats’ already-crowded presidential field, although his opening statement, in which he stammered for nearly 90 seconds when asked to name his accomplishments as governor, was a little rough. After “Beto’s” superfail, why not squeeze another clown into the car? It’s not going anywhere at this point, anyway.
Liberal women are calling for a “sex strike;” depriving the men in their lives of sex until the State of Georgia repeals the “heartbeat bill” protecting children in the womb from abortionists. The response has been – ahem – mixed, with conservative women particularly irritated that someone would try to tell them what to do with their bodies. In fact, judging by the response I’m seeing from conservative women, there are gonna be a sh*t-ton of new conservatives in about 9 months.
Senator Tom Cotton (R-AR) raised some eyebrows when he artlessly compared tariffs to combat. The Democrat/media complex went into complete hysterics when Senator Tom Cotton (R-AR) artlessly compared tariffs to combat. Perhaps why they remained largely silent when Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) artlessly compared global warming to WWII, and then said she was only kidding. War isn’t funny unless the Democrats give you permission to laugh.
Speaking of Chiquita Khrushchev, she says anyone who took her repeated warnings that the planet had only 12 years to survive before global warming kills us all was just a joke, and anyone who took her seriously has the brain of a “sea sponge.” Anyone who thinks she’s funny makes sea sponges look like invertebrate Einsteins.
While AOC was trying to back off the global warmist hysteria, actor Bill Nye was launching into a profane tirade about the alleged crisis, including asserting “The planet's on f***ing fire," and calling those who haven’t joined the climate cult “idiots.” This is a good moment to remind everyone that Nye isn’t an actual scientist, he just plays one on tv.
Congressperson Rashida Tlaib (D-MI) says she gets a “calming feeling” when she thinks of the Holocaust, and that “Palestinians” were martyrs to the cause of Jews not being exterminated. Tlaib either didn’t know, or didn’t care, that Arabs of the era massacred Jews en masse, and allied with Hitler himself. Sure, Rashida. Palestinians were the true heroes - and victims - of the Holocaust.
Democrat Party leaders didn’t wait long before wading into Tlaib’s latest anti-Semitic outburst. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and others loudly demanded an apology – from people who criticized Tlaib. Their post-Mueller strategy is to hate the Jews even more? That’s certainly a bold strategy.
Harvard University announced Professor Ronald Sullivan Jr., who is representing Harvey Weinstein, would not continue as faculty dean of an undergraduate house. He and his wife, Stephanie Robinson, were the first African-American faculty deans in Harvard’s history. SJW tournament of champions scoring update: MeToo – 1, BlackLivesMatter – 0.
The Democrat/media complex didn’t take it too well when President Donald Trump noted the Democrats’ desire to make executing newborns legal. According to the left, nobody wants to murder babies if they survive an abortionist’s murder attempt. Apparently, they haven’t met Governor Ralph Northam (D-VA). How did they miss him explicitly endorsing post-birth “abortion?” Probably distracted by blackface.
The New York Times is all in on the Democrat Party’s new embrace of anti-Semitism. Following an uproar after they printed a grotesquely anti-Semitic cartoon in their international edition, the former “paper of record” apologized – before printing another anti-Semitic cartoon. Out: going “full Democrat.” In: going “full Ilhan.”
Former Vice President Joe Biden’s trouble with keeping his hands to himself around the ladies brought out an unexpected defender: former sitcom actress Alyssa Milano claims Biden’s not a creep, he “was raised in a family that was super affectionate." Far be it for me to question the expertise of “Sam” from “Who’s the Boss,” but there’s “super affectionate,” and then there’s “reason to call DFACS.”
A week after taking a drubbing for siding with VA incompetence over veteran’s own experiences, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez doubled down, declaring reports of problems with the agency a “myth.” Veteran of 2-for-1 night at the craft brewery to veterans of actual war: “drop dead.”
Following the terrorist attack on a synagogue in Poway, California, failed Georgia governor wannabe Stacey Abrams decided to weigh in for some reason, demanding “we must stamp out anti-Semitism.” Given her personal friendship with vicious anti-Semites like Women’s* March fuhrer Linda Sarsour, she should consider “stamping” close to home.
As if Democrat presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg’s campaign isn’t floundering enough already, his effort to bolster his street cred by meeting with disgraced race huckster Al Sharpton didn’t do him any favors. And Petey made it worse when he had to ask Sharpton whether it’s cool to eat fried chicken with his hands. Yes, Petey. That’s how all the poors eat it.
Hey-ho, here’s Joe! Former Vice President Joe Biden finally made his 2020 campaign for President official, breaking the news in a video announcement. With Biden in the race, the Democrats are now looking at a field led by two white guys older than color television. The only coding done when these guys started was Morse.
Biden is facing some bumps. Apparently, a white, male, millionaire with a track record of sexual aggression isn’t the savior the Democrats’ new socialist leadership is hoping for. Sorry Joe, but the part of Bill Clinton has already been cast.
But Biden also has some help. Celebrity lawyer Michael Avenatti, who was a potential rival for the Democrats’ 2020 nomination, proudly gave Biden his endorsement. While a disgraced attorney might not bring Biden much help, he does give him an inside track to some of his famous friends, like Brian Stelter. The all-important “CNN pundit” vote.
Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez tried to grab the spotlight this week by taking on – America’s veterans? The communist cutie reacted to serious veterans’ complaints about the quality of care provided by the Veterans’ Administration by railing against what she calls a “lobbyist-friendly campaign to trash the VA.” Who better than a 29 year old whose most intense combat experience was facing the crowd on 2-for-1 craft brew night to explain to actual combat veterans that she knows the VA better than they do.
On the same day Texas executed white supremacist John William King for the brutal murder of James Byrd, Jr., Senator Bernie Sanders reiterated his demand that convicted murderers be allowed to vote, even calling restrictions “racist.” Sure Bernie; say, you wanna go tell Byrd’s family that King is a victim of racism, or nah?
Baltimore Mayor Catherine Pugh is facing renewed calls for her resignation, following a federal search of her homes and office in relation to the scandal surrounding sales of her children’s books. Pugh, who has been on leave since the scandal broke, is still promising to return to City Hall. Like all good Democrats, it’ll be in handcuffs.
Maybe tomorrow? Former Vice President Joe Biden was all set to announce his 2020 Presidential campaign, but evidently moved the big day back to avoid the liberal “She the People” Democratic Presidential candidate forum. According to the Biden campaign, he was worried his announcement would “overshadow” the “women of color” event. Also, he didn’t want to miss out on a chance to sniff all. That. Hair.
Democrats are furious that the Census bureau plans to ask about respondents’ citizenship in the 2020 decennial count. Apparently, they think the tally of the people in the US shouldn’t ask people how they came to be in the US. Just because it’s Constitutionally-mandated doesn’t mean it’s “woke.”
Former Hillary Clinton minion Brian Fallon isn’t happy that the Supreme Court may approve the addition of the citizenship question on the census form, tweeting his displeasure: “(taps mic) We need court reform.” Sure Bri; (taps mic) you’re about to get it. (looks over at doddering Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg).
The Democrats continued trying to keep the “Russian collusion” narrative alive this week; although their choice of narrators might need some work. Failed 2016 candidate Hillary Clinton penned an op-ed for the Washington Post in which she claimed “any other person who had engaged in” acts of which Trump is clearly not guilty “would certainly have been indicted.” Considering the old girl is still on this side of prison, I’m not sure “any other person” would have been.
As the Democratic Presidential field expands, the candidates are stepping up their pandering game. Longshot Rep. Eric Swalwell (D-CA) SPOILER ALERT: “I'm a white man. I know where I can't speak to someone else's experience and I pledge to: 1️⃣ Pass the mic 2️⃣ Ask a woman to serve as VP.” If Nuke-boy was really “woke,” he’d pass the mic permanently, and ask a woman to take his place.
Senator Cory Booker (D-NJ) told the liberal “She the People” forum that global warming remains a huge threat: “Asthma rates in communities like mine are significantly higher than rich, suburban areas. As President, I’ll make sure we fight for environmental justice, clean air, clean water, and the urgencies of climate change. We will rejoin the Paris Accords.“ Booker 2020: Make America Newark Again.
Liberal hate blog Huffington Post wants to know “Did Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's stunning victory in the 2018 midterms teach us that anyone can run for Congress?” Chiquita Khrushchev inspired fewer than 20% of her district to show up at all on Election Day, and beat a zero of an opponent, in a district that even Nancy Pelosi said could be won by a “glass of water with a ‘D’ next to it.” As long as their opponent is a potted plant, and 85% of the district can't be bothered to show up at the polls, sure!
Senator Elizabeth Warren is campaigning on free stuff for everyone. The Massachusetts Democrat announced her administration would make healthcare and pre-K through college free, and would charge off Americans’ student loan debt, all by imposing a “2% tax on the wealthiest families in the country.” For those of you who remember the 80s, that’s known as the “Underhill’s American Express Card” school of economics. For those of you who remember anything, it’s known as “theft.”
While Warren plans to give away the house, Bernie Sanders has some interesting ideas as to whom to give it to. The near-octogenarian communist from Vermont wants to ensure convicted felons and terrorists get their chance to dine at the taxpayer trough; informing the audience for CNN’s latest Democratic candidate forum that he thinks denying votes to people like the Boston Marathon bomber and the white supremacist who murdered 9 people in Charleston, S.C. is “suppression.” As opposed to what they did, which is a lot more than just “suppressing votes.”
Senator Kamala Harris has her own plan to appeal to liberal voters. The former California Attorney General – and current gun owner – says if she’s elected, she’ll give Congress “100 days..to get their act together and have the courage to pass reasonable gun safety laws, and if they fail to do it, then I will take executive action." Her first executive action would need to be suspending the separation of powers, which will go about as well as her second one suspending the Bill of Rights.
The watchdog group Judicial Watch announced Assistant FBI Director Bill Priestap told them while under oath that the bureau discovered nearly 50,000 emails Hillary Clinton tried to destroy, and they found them in the Executive Office of President Obama. The revelation disproves both Clinton’s protestations of innocence, and Obama’s claim that he only learned of her illegal communications through “news reports.” “But her emails” reveal there was a lot more than “a smidgen of corruption” in the Obama administration.
The Washington Post is worried that there may be consequences from Sunday’s islamofascist bomb attack on Christians in Sri Lanka. The Post fretted that the “Sri Lanka church bombings stoke far-right anger in the West.” Freakin' far-right wingers, always <checks notes> angry at terrorists who bomb churches.
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu announced he intends to introduce a resolution naming a new town in the Golan Heights for President Trump. And that, my friends, is how you own the libs.
Disgraced actor Jussie Smollett may be headed back to court. The Osundairo brothers, whom Smollett paid to help him stage the now-infamous January hoax, have retained counsel, and are going to sue Smollett and his attorneys for defamation. Damn Jussie. That’s turning out to be one expensive Subway sandwich.
Terrorism struck Sri Lanka over the weekend, as muslim extremists bombed churches and hotels, targeting Christians celebrating the Resurrection. For Easter? They really shouldn’t have. At least now we know what to get them for Ramadan this year.
While the attacks, which killed hundreds and injured hundreds more, were roundly condemned across the globe, the Democrat/media complex worked hard to obscure key facts about both the perpetrators and the victims. Observers couldn’t help but notice news reports mentioned neither the Islamic religion of the bombers, nor the Christian identities of their targets. It’s the Ilhan Omar style of reporting: “some people did something in Sri Lanka.”
Outrage from all sides as Broward County, FL Sheriff’s deputies were caught on video brutally subduing a young black man who had apparently done nothing wrong. Remember when the same guys hid in the bushes while the Parkland massacre went down? Hey liberals: hate to say we told you so, but..
Senator Elizabeth Warren tried dealing her fading campaign back into the 2020 game, announcing a plan to use the taxpayer’s credit card to pay off nearly 95% of all Americans’ student loan debt, make college “universal” and “free,” and pay for it with tax increases on the American people. Gonna charge snowflakes’ “gender studies” degrees to John Q. Public’s American Express Card. There’s a winning plan.
The “Green New Deal” may be dead, but New York City Mayor Bill DeBlasio is trying to reanimate its corpse in the Big Apple. DeBlasio told the MSNBC morning gabfest Morning Joe “We’re going to ban the classic glass and steel skyscrapers, which are incredibly inefficient.” DeBlasio also promised million dollar fines for building owners who drag their feet rebuilding their structures. I know he’s the mayor of New York City, but has this guy ever seen New York City?
Media outlets have begun casting Special Counsel Robert Mueller as part of some nebulous conspiracy to shield President Donald Trump, even harassing Mueller and his wife as they tried to leave Easter Sunday service at their church. Guess the left’s love affair with Mueller is over. And I thought those kids had a real chance.
Coming soon to Netflix: Knock Down the House, a documentary about Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and other feminists’ 2016 House campaigns. Just a small fee, and you can enjoy a few hours of Chiquita Khrushchev and the junior Politburo talking about themselves. Or you could scoop out your own appendix with a melon baller. You still have freedom of choice – for now.
And, just because the Mueller Report didn’t deliver them Trump’s head on a platter doesn’t mean the Democrats can’t still dream. The New York Times ran an op-ed this morning, calling for Trump’s impeachment. You can beat that horse all you want, libs. Hell, you can even saddle it up. It’s still dead.
The release of the report by Special Counsel into Russian efforts to tamper with the 2016 election touched off absolute hysteria on the left. The last time liberals were this sad, President George W. Bush was taking the oath of Office. So sorry for your loss.
Of course, the Democrats weren’t going to give up without a fight over the refutation of the narrative they spent over two years building. Although “nah-nee, nah-nee, boo-boo, I can’t hear you!” seems pretty desperate.
The liberals began grasping at straws fairly quickly, including claiming without evidence that the redactions to the report are hiding Trump Administration malfeasance. Since Mueller oversaw the redactions, that must mean it’s time for him to move from the front seat to under the bus. After this, my man will lucky if they strap him to the hood.
It’s worth noting that the Democrat/media complex is throwing an epic tantrum because the President of the United States DIDN’T collude with a foreign government to rig the election. This is why you should never hit your own stash, kids.
Among the leading voices on the left, Rep. Eric Swalwell tried to bump his poll numbers by demanding Attorney General Barr resign. No one told Nuke-boy that the AG doesn’t answer to unhinged Congressmen from Californistan, because no one cared enough about him to bother.
More bad news for the liberals, as House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer (D-MD) admitted “Based on what we have seen to date, going forward on impeachment is not worthwhile at this point.” The liberal rage mob immediately set to dragging the poor sap to kingdom come. When asked why she farmed out the announcement to Hoyer, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said “Have you met the Democrat base? I’m not going in there without a full Secret Service escort.”
And, outside the Mueller-sphere: Just days after the Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris suffered a catastrophic fire, a man attempted to break into St. Patrick’s Cathedral in New York City with 2 cans of gasoline, 2 cans of lighter fluid, and 2 lighters. 37-year-old Marc Lamperello, who had previously been arrested after causing a disturbance at a Newark, New Jersey, church, also had an airline ticket out of the country. Officials have stated they don’t believe the incident is terrorism-related. Just your run-of-the-mill, religious arson, right?
The political universe is holding its breath as the report by Special Counsel Robert Mueller is expected to drop Thursday morning. Democrats and have already settled on a strategy of deriding the report’s redactions as somehow obscuring facts and giving Trump a walk, although they haven’t clarified what facts might be obscured, and what exactly he’d be getting a walk from. As if facts matter when there’s a narrative to protect.
Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-MN) may have competition for the title of “biggest anti-Semite in Congress.” Rep. Rashida Tlaib (D-MI) is under scrutiny after meeting with members of islamofascist hate group American Muslims for Palestine. Tlaib even posed for photo-ops with known muslim terrorist mouthpiece Joe Catron. Omar: “I hate the Jews the most!” Tlaib: “Hold my falafel and watch this.”
Democrat Presidential wannabes Robert “Beto” O’Rourke and Bernie Sanders are both under fire for their paltry charitable giving, despite tremendous personal wealth. Both offered weak excuses, notably O’Rourke’s assertion that running for office is a form of charitable donation. Of course socialists don't give to charities. Why donate your own cash when you plan to take other people’s money and donate that, instead?
O’Rourke wasn’t done beclowning himself. The failed Senate candidate-turned Presidential aspirant blasted President Donald Trump at a recent campaign event, offering a defense of anti-Semitic Rep. Omar by calling the President “hateful,” and a “racist,” and suggesting Trump’s policies are reminiscent of “the Third Reich.” A fake Latino smeared the President in defense of violent anti-Semitism. Welcome to the Democrat Party, v. 2019.
“Politico” raised some eyebrows Wednesday with their assertion that Senator Kamala Harris (D-CA) “is the first Indian-American candidate to make a serious run at the presidency.” I bet Bobby Jindal was surprised to hear that. I’ll bet Elizabeth Warren was even more so.
South Bend Mayor, and Democrat candidate for President, Pete Buttigieg shared some deep economic thoughts, claiming “capitalism has let a lot of people down.” As opposed to his party’s new fave, socialism, which has created nothing but parties everywhere it has been tried. And by “parties” I mean “mountains of corpses.”
Rep. Seth Moulton (D-MA) added his name to the Democrat candidate pool, announcing his run for the White House Wednesday. Tens of people were thrilled to hear it. Slightly fewer, if you don’t count his family.
The Jussie Smollett hoax popped back up, thanks to the release of text messages between Chicago State’s Attorney Kim Foxx and her staff in which she referred to Smollett as a “washed-up celeb.” Smollett, whose plan to boost his own profile by staging a fake hate crime clearly succeeded with Hollywood liberals, is hardly washed-up. Although Foxx might want to consider a new line of work.
Democrats couldn’t wait to pounce on the fire at Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris, exploiting the tragedy to throw firebombs at President Trump. Appearing on leftist outlet MSNBC, Rep. Steve Cohen (D-TN) told liberal buffoon Chris Matthews "What (Trump) has done to the Constitution and the rule of law is as bad as that fire did to Notre Dame." Cohen, who publicly opposes much of the Bill of Rights, declined to cite examples, possibly because he was too busy setting the 1st and 2nd Amendments on fire.
Maybe Senator Bernie Sanders (C-VT) should have taken the left’s advice, and avoided appearing on Fox News for a “town hall.” Confronted by non-softball questions, the ancient communist faltered badly. In addition to his assertion that making millions of dollars off a bestseller isn’t capitalism, he also admitted his plan to nationalize American healthcare will require “more in taxes.” Welp, that’s the Bernie show, folks. I hope they had some lovely parting gifts for him backstage.
Anti-Semitic Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-MN) continued whining about the blowback she’s received for her repeated racist comments, claiming an uptick in threats against her since President Donald Trump called attention to her address to islamofascist hate group CAIR, in which she suggested 9-11 was just “some people did something.” Kinda like the kids from Covington Catholic, except they were falsely accused.
As Tax Day passed, Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) took one last shot at the wrong people, blaming “Trump’s tax cuts for the wealthy” for the plight of “California families.” While DiFi ignored the fact that lower refunds mean people overpaid less, she also ignored the fact that “California families” pay more because California politicians take more. Of course, when you’ve made millions without holding a private sector job, your perspective can get a little warped.
DiFi isn’t the only dummy in Californistan. Controversy has enveloped Laguna Beach, thanks to the police department’s test run of a new decal for their police vehicles which incorporates – gasp – the American Flag. Since you hate America so much, why not just leave? Secession is just a vote away!
According to Democrat Presidential hopeful, South Bend, IN Mayor Pete Buttigieg, his image has gone from “adorable” to “plausible” in just a couple of months. That comes as news to most Americans, for whom Petey has yet to reach “identifiable.”
Former Massachusetts Governor Bill Weld is throwing his hat in the ring. The former Libertarian Party nominee has announced a challenge to President Trump for the Republican nomination. Good luck, Billy-boy. If you work extra-hard, you might catch up to Buttigieg.
Senator Cory Booker (D-NJ) rocked the Democrats’ boat, declaring "We do have a problem at the southern border. Democrats should not deny that." While some suggested the self-proclaimed “Spartacus” is merely trying to set himself apart from his Democratic competitors, I can’t help but notice that Booker suddenly realized there's a crisis at the border right after Trump suggested housing the illegals in his district.
And, fresh off publicly destroying Democrat Congressmen Ted Lieu (D-CA) and Jerry Nadler (D-NY) for their attempts to smear her, conservative activist Candace Owens faced down a mob of “antifa” thugs and other liberal who threatened to assault her at the University of Pennsylvania. The media remained largely silent on the racist, misogynist hate speech the Democrats incited against an African-American woman. Sorry Candace, but once you step off their plantation, you’re on your own.
Tragedy struck civilization as fire engulfed the Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris. Although parts of the structure appear to have survived, the damage to the nearly 800 year-old structure is catastrophic. No punchline; it’s just sad.
Tax Day 2019 arrived, and with it, liberal heavyweights’ incorrect assertions about how it works. Outlets from the New York Times to Alyssa Milano shrieked bloody murder over the fact that many Americans’ refunds are down this year, a change they “blamed” on the GOP tax cut. Far be it for me to correct an esteemed economist like Sam from "Who's the Boss," but the refunds are down because Americans overpaid less, thanks entirely to the GOP tax cut.
Liberals ginned up the outrage meter as Attorney General William Barr is expected to release a redacted version of Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s report as early as Thursday. The left is already floating the conspiracy theory that the redactions will obscure any evidence of wrongdoing by President Donald Trump. Since Mueller himself approved the redactions, I guess this means he’s off their Christmas card list.
South Bend Mayor Pete Buttigieg may be running for President in the wrong country. Buttigieg whined to a small gathering that the United States isn’t “much of a democracy when twice in my lifetime, the Electoral College has overruled the American people…" The United States isn’t a Democracy at all; it’s a republic. I thought this guy was a Rhodes Scholar?
Rep. Eric Swalwell (D-CA) may not have much of a Presidential campaign, he appears committed to destroying what campaign he does have. The rabid anti-liberty candidate expanded his plan to confiscate legally-owned firearms to include imprisoning legal firearm owners who resist his government overreach. If the Democrats nominate Nuke-boy, even BARRON Trump could beat him.
Among those racing to defend anti-Semitic Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-MN): anti-liberty activist David Hogg. Hogg, infamous for exploiting the Parkland attack for fame and fortune, asked “Can we take a moment to think about how triggering the video trump posted for the thousands of people that lost someone they knew in 9/11?” Gee Junior, what's more "triggering;" someone dismissing 9-11 as "something," or a video of them doing it?
An intramural fight has broken out inside the Democrat Party. After dismissing Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s branch of her party as “like, 5 people,” House Speaker Nancy Pelosi delivered another spanking, suggesting Chiquita Khrushchev isn’t quite the groundbreaker she thinks she is, claiming: “A glass of water with a ‘D’ next to its name” could have won NY-14. A glass of water might even have inspired more than 15% of the district’s voters to bother going to the polls.
After Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-MN) faced backlash for telling islamofascist hate group CAIR that 9-11 was just “some people did something,” she has picked up some allies. No surprise that Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has led the Democrats’ charge to defend the anti-Semitic Somali immigrant. Who better to defend an islamofascist than a communist? Che’ wasn’t available, so Chiquita Khrushchev is the next logical choice.
Ocasio-Cortez also sounded the alarm over criticism of her sister-in-arms, claiming it “puts me in danger every time.” Sounds scary. Gee, I wonder what Steve Scalise, Kate Steinle and the victims of anti-Semitic terrorism worldwide might have to say on this topic.
Celebrity lawyer and CNN poster boy Michael Avenatti has been charged in a 36-count federal indictment alleging – among other things – he bilked a mentally ill, paraplegic client out of millions of dollars. Dude even makes other ambulance chasers look like Atticus Finch.
As Attorney General William Barr hints at opening an investigation into potential Obama-era federal government spying on then-candidate Donald Trump’s 2016 campaign, liberals are furious – over the use of the word “spying.” Among those leading the word-parsing platoon: Senator Richard Blumenthal (D-CT), who demanded Barr “retract” the characterization. Blumenthal did not address the fact that there's more evidence of Obama-era spying on Trump's 2016 campaign than there is of his service in Vietnam.
Blumenthal was joined in the peanut gallery by disgraced ex-FBI honcho James Comey, who explained he “never thought of” electronically surveilling someone without their knowledge as “spying.” Sure Jimmy; and boosting a car is really just “borrowing” it.
After 8 years of exile in Ecuador’s London, England, embassy, Wikilieaks founder Julian Assange was bounced from his digs, and into the waiting arms of London’s finest. The activist was ostensibly arrested for violating the terms of his bail, but faces potential extradition to Sweden on sexual assault charges, and the United States on espionage charges related to helping disgraced ex-Army private Bradley “Chelsea” Manning’s attempts to hack Department of Defense computers. Love Assange or loathe him, you have to admit: he’d make an even uglier girl than Manning.
Obama Administration White House Counsel Greg Craig has been indicted on multiple counts by a federal grand jury. Craig is charged with lying to Special Counsel Robert Mueller about work he did on behalf of the government of the Ukraine. Looks like there was collusion, after all. The Democrats were just off by one country, and one President.
The Democrat Party’s 2019 retreat set in the luxe Landsdowne Resort in Virginia this week. The theme: “Fighting for the people.” Among the panelists, celebrity super couple Crissy Teigan and John Legend. A bunch of people who knock down a minimum of 6 figures per year, chilling with supermodels and chart-topping singers, at a resort that costs more per night than most Americans make in a week. Maybe “Fighting the people,” would make more sense.
Video has surfaced of Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-MN) telling a meeting of the islamofascist hate group CAIR that 9-11 was just “some people did something.” Sure. And World War II was that “spot of unpleasantness with that German chap.”
Omar is defending herself against criticism over her remarks by retreating to the usual charges of “islamophobia;” even accusing Rep. Dan Crenshaw (R-TX) of “dangerous incitement” for quoting her abominable excuses for the 9-11 terrorists. That’s the important lesson here: anti-Semitic muslims are the real victims of 9-11.
Senator Cory Booker (D-NJ) has announced he intends to form a commission to study the idea of paying African-Americans “reparations” for slavery. The idea of forcing white people to give money to black people - for something that happened before any of them were alive - is becoming a central issue for the Democrats’ 2020 strategy. A “white people” tax. There’s a unifying idea.
Rep. Eric Swalwell responded to pushback over his plan to forcibly “buy back” the millions of AR-15s and other so-called “assault rifles” from legal owners. The Congressman, who is running on a national gun confiscation platform, tweeted to a critic: “Keep your #2A rights. Keep your shotguns, keep your pistols, keep your rifles. I just want to take the most dangerous weapons out of the hands of the most dangerous people.” Swalwell didn’t clarify which weapons and people he considers “dangerous,” but given his previous threats of nuclear annihilation for gun owners, the smart money is on “all.”
During a hearing of the House Financial Services Committee, Chairwoman Maxine Waters (D-CA) blasted representatives for several major banks over their efforts to curb student loan debt. The execs gently reminded Waters that student loans were nationalized under President Barack Obama nearly a decade ago; something they were doubtless surprised to learn the Chair of the committee which oversees banks didn’t know. Don’t blame Maxine. OneUnited didn’t include that in her “Banks’n’U” primer.
During an appearance before the Senate Appropriations subcommittee that oversees the Justice Department, Attorney General William Barr testified that he thinks “spying did occur” against the campaign of President Donald Trump during the 2016 election. With Rep. Devin Nunes (R-CA) preparing to send criminal referrals over the alleged incidents, Democrats were none too pleased to hear Barr’s concerns. The last time the Democrats seemed this nervous, John Podesta was telling them to go home, and Hillary would release a statement in the morning.
Scientists have announced that a consortium of observers making up the Event Horizon Telescope have successfully produced an image of a black hole. The supermassive black hole at the center of the Messier 87 galaxy is nearly 55 million light years away from Earth, and its mass is estimated at over 6 billion times that of our own Sun. Or approximately the size of Alec Baldwin’s head.
Rep. Eric Swalwell (D-CA) has announced he’ll be seeking the Democrats’ 2020 Presidential nomination. Swalwell, previously best known for pushing the debunked Russian collusion narrative and threatening Americans with nuclear weapons, made the announcement on Stephen Colbert's late-night comedy show. It was the first legitimately funny moment for Colbert in years.
Swalwell expounded on his gun-grabbing plans, saying his Administration would “Just take the 15 million that are out there and buy them back.” Putting aside his lowball math, he didn’t sell mine to me, so how can he buy it back?
Democrats are sticking with their narrative that President Donald Trump deserves their ire due to the so-called “family separation” policies in place at the border. Considering the policy began 3 years before Trump was elected, I’d say their next party with former President Barack Obama is gonna get awkward.
CNN pundit Jeffrey Toobin took the “family separation” narrative to the extreme, claiming outgoing Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen would forever be known as the “woman who put children in cages.” While Toobin ignored the Obama policy of putting kids in cages, his description of Nielsen is still better than “dude who knocked up a co-worker’s kid, and had to get sued to pay child support.”
Democrats also kept trying to beat the “Trump’s tax returns” drum. While I don’t care about anyone’s tax returns, as long as they didn’t violate the law, I’m a lot less interested in the tax returns of someone who got rich before seeking public office than I am in those of someone who got rich while serving in public office. Ask Bernie Sanders, who is a multi-millionaire with multiple homes.
Speaking of the communist Senator from Vermont, Sanders will reportedly release his own tax returns as early as next week. The ancient Sanders warned fans that the returns will reveal him to be an extremely wealthy man. But Sanders excused his apparent hypocrisy, saying anyone can be a multi-millionaire, as long as they “write a bestseller.” For a Soviet-style communist, Bernie is one hell of a capitalist.
Anti-Semitic Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-MN) stole another step in the spotlight, describing senior White House advisor Stephen Miller as a “white nationalist,” and whining: “The fact that he still has influence on policy and political appointments is an outrage.” Right. Because “white nationalism” is all the rage with the Jews these days.
While their own party embraces anti-Semitism, the Democrats brought their sideshow sensibilities to the House Judiciary Committee with hearings on the rise of “white nationalism.” The farce got even sillier when Rep. Ted Lieu (D-CA) and Jerry Nadler (D-NY) teamed up to attack witness Candace Owens. Loving the optics of two wealthy, powerful, men, treating a black woman like a punching bag. Nice patriarchy you got there, Democrats.
Lieu and Nadler weren’t the only ones letting their fascist flags fly. The liberal hate group Code Pink planted operatives in the gallery with signs calling Owens a “Hitler defender.” Not sure when they had the signs printed, but it must have been after they got back from their trip to Teheran, where they cheered Iran’s nuclear weapons program.