Barack Obama

Tuesday, April 23

1/1024 of my ideas are good.

1/1024 of my ideas are good.

  • Senator Elizabeth Warren is campaigning on free stuff for everyone.  The Massachusetts Democrat announced her administration would make healthcare and pre-K through college free, and would charge off Americans’ student loan debt, all by imposing a “2% tax on the wealthiest families in the country.”  For those of you who remember the 80s, that’s known as the “Underhill’s American Express Card” school of economics.  For those of you who remember anything, it’s known as “theft.”

  • While Warren plans to give away the house, Bernie Sanders has some interesting ideas as to whom to give it to.  The near-octogenarian communist from Vermont wants to ensure convicted felons and terrorists get their chance to dine at the taxpayer trough; informing the audience for CNN’s latest Democratic candidate forum that he thinks denying votes to people like the Boston Marathon bomber and the white supremacist who murdered 9 people in Charleston, S.C. is “suppression.”  As opposed to what they did, which is a lot more than just “suppressing votes.”

  • Senator Kamala Harris has her own plan to appeal to liberal voters.  The former California Attorney General – and current gun owner – says if she’s elected, she’ll give Congress “100 days..to get their act together and have the courage to pass reasonable gun safety laws, and if they fail to do it, then I will take executive action."  Her first executive action would need to be suspending the separation of powers, which will go about as well as her second one suspending the Bill of Rights. 

  • The watchdog group Judicial Watch announced Assistant FBI Director Bill Priestap told them while under oath that the bureau discovered nearly 50,000 emails Hillary Clinton tried to destroy, and they found them in the Executive Office of President Obama. The revelation disproves both Clinton’s protestations of innocence, and Obama’s claim that he only learned of her illegal communications through “news reports.”  “But her emails” reveal there was a lot more than “a smidgen of corruption” in the Obama administration.

  • The Washington Post is worried that there may be consequences from Sunday’s islamofascist bomb attack on Christians in Sri Lanka.  The Post fretted that the “Sri Lanka church bombings stoke far-right anger in the West.”  Freakin' far-right wingers, always <checks notes> angry at terrorists who bomb churches.

  • Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu announced he intends to introduce a resolution naming a new town in the Golan Heights for President Trump.  And that, my friends, is how you own the libs.

  • Disgraced actor Jussie Smollett may be headed back to court.  The Osundairo brothers, whom Smollett paid to help him stage the now-infamous January hoax, have retained counsel, and are going to sue Smollett and his attorneys for defamation.  Damn Jussie.  That’s turning out to be one expensive Subway sandwich.

Monday, April 8

And I would’ve gotten away with it, if it wasn’t for you meddling infidels!

And I would’ve gotten away with it, if it wasn’t for you meddling infidels!

  • Federal authorities have apprehended muslim activist Rondell Henry, 28, of Germantown, Maryland, before he could use a stolen rental van to conduct an “ISIS-style” attack on pedestrians similar to the one a muslim activist used to murder nearly 100 and injure nearly 500 in Nice, France in 2016.  Henry’s failure has reportedly left Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-MN), Rep. Rashida Tlaib (D-MI) and their compatriots inconsolable.

  • Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen’s departure has the Democrats throwing rocks at her on the way out, blasting Nielsen for “putting kids in cages.”  The left’s smears have people wondering when they started caring about immigrant kids in cages.  That would be: January 20, 2017, at approximately 12:01pm EST; or about 3 years after Obama started doing it.

  • Liberals are outraged over President Donald Trump’s decision to designate the Iranian Revolutionary Guard Corps – known to be behind hundreds of islamofascist terror attacks worldwide – as a “terrorist organization.”  They preferred Trump’s predecessor’s approach, which involved secretly airlifting them hundreds of billions of dollars.

  • The libs weren’t done finding reasons to keep the butthurt going.  They also lit into Trump over a year-old clip of him calling MS-13 thugs “animals,” claiming his characterization dehumanizes members of the notorious narcoterrorist cartel.  They rape and murder toddlers, so Imma keep calling them "animals."  But you do you, democrats.

  • Now that their Russian collusion narrative is cooked, the Democrats have reverted to a safe haven for the next round of talking points: Trump’s taxes.  Although their previous efforts in this area cost MSNBC pundit Rachel Maddow whatever remained of her fleeting credibility, the left has decided to go back to demanding his tax returns.  And leading the charge: Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA), whose own war on Trump has gone particularly badly of late.  "Welp, the Russian collusion narrative is cooked. What else we got?”  "Umm - we can always go back to the tax return bit." "*sigh* get Schiff to do it. That idiot will say anything."

  • Failed Senate candidate, and current Democrat Presidential aspirant, Robert “Beto” O’Rourke has decided to cast his lot with the new anti-Semitic wing of the Democrat Party.  According to O’Rourke, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu is a “racist” who doesn’t “represent the true will of the Israeli people.”  I know when I want to understand the motivations of an Israeli jew, I turn to a wealthy, Irish-American dude who's pretending to be Latino.

  • Former President Barack Obama’s “Apologizing for America” Tour hit Berlin like the Red Army, with Obama informing an audience: "Europe in 2019 in some ways has achieved the pinnacle of human well-being."  The disgraced ex-President failed to note Europe’s rising tide of islamofascist terrorism, and new policies of jailing people for expressing opinions counter to the governments facilitating it.  “You say that like it’s a BAD thing.” – Obama, probably.

  • Caught up in the Jussie Smollett hoax isn’t a problem for disgraced Cook County State’s Attorney Kim Foxx.  Foxx, under fire for bending to political pressure to give Smollett a pass for his byzantine pay raise negotiation tactic, unsurprisingly resorted to accusing her critics of “racism,” although many of her chief critics are decidedly non-white.  Sure Kim; that Chicago PD Superintendent Eddie Johnson is a notorious racist. Go with that.

  • And, in entertainment news, CNN pundit Don Lemon, best known for describing white men as America’s “biggest terror threat,” is engaged to be married – to a white guy.  Gives a whole new meaning to “sleeping with the enemy.”