Hillary Clinton

Wednesday, April 24

“She the People? How about you and me the people?”

“She the People? How about you and me the people?”

Maybe tomorrow? Former Vice President Joe Biden was all set to announce his 2020 Presidential campaign, but evidently moved the big day back to avoid the liberal “She the People” Democratic Presidential candidate forum.  According to the Biden campaign, he was worried his announcement would “overshadow” the “women of color” event.  Also, he didn’t want to miss out on a chance to sniff all.  That.  Hair. 

Democrats are furious that the Census bureau plans to ask about respondents’ citizenship in the 2020 decennial count.  Apparently, they think the tally of the people in the US shouldn’t ask people how they came to be in the US.  Just because it’s Constitutionally-mandated doesn’t mean it’s “woke.”

Former Hillary Clinton minion Brian Fallon isn’t happy that the Supreme Court may approve the addition of the citizenship question on the census form, tweeting his displeasure: “(taps mic) We need court reform.”  Sure Bri; (taps mic) you’re about to get it. (looks over at doddering Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg).

The Democrats continued trying to keep the “Russian collusion” narrative alive this week; although their choice of narrators might need some work.  Failed 2016 candidate Hillary Clinton penned an op-ed for the Washington Post in which she claimed “any other person who had engaged in” acts of which Trump is clearly not guilty “would certainly have been indicted.”  Considering the old girl is still on this side of prison, I’m not sure “any other person” would have been.

As the Democratic Presidential field expands, the candidates are stepping up their pandering game.  Longshot Rep. Eric Swalwell (D-CA) SPOILER ALERT: “I'm a white man. I know where I can't speak to someone else's experience and I pledge to: 1️⃣ Pass the mic 2️⃣ Ask a woman to serve as VP.” If Nuke-boy was really “woke,” he’d pass the mic permanently, and ask a woman to take his place.

Senator Cory Booker (D-NJ) told the liberal “She the People” forum that global warming remains a huge threat: “Asthma rates in communities like mine are significantly higher than rich, suburban areas. As President, I’ll make sure we fight for environmental justice, clean air, clean water, and the urgencies of climate change. We will rejoin the Paris Accords.“  Booker 2020: Make America Newark Again.

Liberal hate blog Huffington Post wants to know “Did Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's stunning victory in the 2018 midterms teach us that anyone can run for Congress?”  Chiquita Khrushchev inspired fewer than 20% of her district to show up at all on Election Day, and beat a zero of an opponent, in a district that even Nancy Pelosi said could be won by a “glass of water with a ‘D’ next to it.”  As long as their opponent is a potted plant, and 85% of the district can't be bothered to show up at the polls, sure!

Tuesday, April 23

1/1024 of my ideas are good.

1/1024 of my ideas are good.

  • Senator Elizabeth Warren is campaigning on free stuff for everyone.  The Massachusetts Democrat announced her administration would make healthcare and pre-K through college free, and would charge off Americans’ student loan debt, all by imposing a “2% tax on the wealthiest families in the country.”  For those of you who remember the 80s, that’s known as the “Underhill’s American Express Card” school of economics.  For those of you who remember anything, it’s known as “theft.”

  • While Warren plans to give away the house, Bernie Sanders has some interesting ideas as to whom to give it to.  The near-octogenarian communist from Vermont wants to ensure convicted felons and terrorists get their chance to dine at the taxpayer trough; informing the audience for CNN’s latest Democratic candidate forum that he thinks denying votes to people like the Boston Marathon bomber and the white supremacist who murdered 9 people in Charleston, S.C. is “suppression.”  As opposed to what they did, which is a lot more than just “suppressing votes.”

  • Senator Kamala Harris has her own plan to appeal to liberal voters.  The former California Attorney General – and current gun owner – says if she’s elected, she’ll give Congress “100 days..to get their act together and have the courage to pass reasonable gun safety laws, and if they fail to do it, then I will take executive action."  Her first executive action would need to be suspending the separation of powers, which will go about as well as her second one suspending the Bill of Rights. 

  • The watchdog group Judicial Watch announced Assistant FBI Director Bill Priestap told them while under oath that the bureau discovered nearly 50,000 emails Hillary Clinton tried to destroy, and they found them in the Executive Office of President Obama. The revelation disproves both Clinton’s protestations of innocence, and Obama’s claim that he only learned of her illegal communications through “news reports.”  “But her emails” reveal there was a lot more than “a smidgen of corruption” in the Obama administration.

  • The Washington Post is worried that there may be consequences from Sunday’s islamofascist bomb attack on Christians in Sri Lanka.  The Post fretted that the “Sri Lanka church bombings stoke far-right anger in the West.”  Freakin' far-right wingers, always <checks notes> angry at terrorists who bomb churches.

  • Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu announced he intends to introduce a resolution naming a new town in the Golan Heights for President Trump.  And that, my friends, is how you own the libs.

  • Disgraced actor Jussie Smollett may be headed back to court.  The Osundairo brothers, whom Smollett paid to help him stage the now-infamous January hoax, have retained counsel, and are going to sue Smollett and his attorneys for defamation.  Damn Jussie.  That’s turning out to be one expensive Subway sandwich.

Monday, March 25

There’s always personal injury law.  I hear Avenatti’s firm is looking for bodies.

There’s always personal injury law. I hear Avenatti’s firm is looking for bodies.

According to the summary delivered to Congress by Attorney General William Barr, the full report by  Special Counsel Robert Mueller exonerates the President of claims he and/or his people colluded with Russian agents to rig the 2016 election. The Democrats have asked Americans to respect their grief and privacy during this difficult time.

Now we finally have an answer to the age-old question: "How many Russians does it take to win an election over Hillary Clinton?"  To quote Dean Wormer from the movie Animal House: “Zero. Point. Zero.”

As expected, the Democrats aren’t giving up hope.  Senator Mazie Hirono (D-HI) gave voice to their dreams: “Just because there was not enough evidence for a criminal charge of conspiracy does not mean that there’s [not] a very cozy relationship that Donald Trump has with Vladimir Putin.”  Sure, Maize; just because we can't see your imaginary friend does not mean that she's not standing here with you.

Who can blame the left for their increasingly desperate attempts to keep their “Trump-Russia” narrative alive? Without Mueller to load their 2020 cannon, they’re left to choose between anti-Semitism, infanticide, or the always-popular communism.   

MSNBC morning comedian Joe Scarborough cautioned liberals to move on, reminding them that it’s “GOOD NEWS for America when someone as respected as Robert Mueller takes two years to methodically determine that the sitting president of the United States did not conspire with Russia. Take a breath.”  When Joe Scarborough is the smartest guy in the room, you’re in the wrong room.

Celebrity lawyer Michael Avenatti’s 15 minutes are apparently up.  The combative attorney, who CNN pundit Brian Stelter once identified as a “serious contender” for the Democrats’ 2020 nomination, has been arrested for his role in what Federal authorities are calling a conspiracy to extort $20 million from the Nike corporation.  You know who I feel bad for? The poor bastard who gets stuck w/ Michael Avenatti as a cellmate.  Imagine being stuck in a 6x with that gibbering buffoon.

Democrats were aghast as Israel began an operation to clear Hamas terrorists from sites in the Gaza Strip.  A terrorist group has been shelling them from their own attic.  Can’t blame them for calling the exterminator.