Mueller Report

Wednesday, May 15

“Once I’m President, you little bastards are done!”

“Once I’m President, you little bastards are done!”

The State of Alabama has passed the controversial HB314, making committing abortion a felony, except under extreme circumstances limited to saving the life of the mother and/or a stillborn child.  Anti-life groups were quick to blast the decision as an infringement on women’s rights.  Lemme see if I have this right: gun rights must be curtailed to protect children’s lives, but children’s lives must be curtailed to protect “women’s” rights?

Much as they did in response to moves like Georgia’s “heartbeat bill,” anti-lifers portrayed the Alabama law as being pushed, and voted for, by men.  And much like their response to the aforementioned laws, they ignored the fact that co-authors of the bill were women; in Alabama’s case, the woman Governor of Alabama, Kay Ivey, signed the bill into law.  Is there such a thing as a “woman card?”  Do the millions of pro-life women now have to turn in theirs?

Democrats are very nervous about the progress of US Attorney John Durham’s probe into the murky origins of the Mueller Investigation.  They claim Attorney General Barr is “weaponizing” federal resources to conduct a partisan witch hunt.  I’d say turnabout is fair play, but the Democrats might have a real reason to worry.  I’m talking “prison time” worry.

Speaking of Democrats in the big house, disgraced former Congressman Anthony Weiner has been released from a New York halfway house, after serving 18 months for sending lewd text messages to an underage girl.  Although Weiner will have to register as a sex offender, and report to a parole officer, authorities are required to publicize his release, for obvious reasons.  Hide yo’ kids, hide yo’ wife! Well, just yo’ kids.

New York City Mayor Bill De Blasio will reportedly announce Thursday that he is seeking the Democratic nomination for President of the United States, meaning the Democrats’ 2020 campaign mobile is about to get a lot more crowded.  Hope that thing has a sunroof.  And someone should probably warn the groundhogs.

Wednesday, April 24

“She the People? How about you and me the people?”

“She the People? How about you and me the people?”

Maybe tomorrow? Former Vice President Joe Biden was all set to announce his 2020 Presidential campaign, but evidently moved the big day back to avoid the liberal “She the People” Democratic Presidential candidate forum.  According to the Biden campaign, he was worried his announcement would “overshadow” the “women of color” event.  Also, he didn’t want to miss out on a chance to sniff all.  That.  Hair. 

Democrats are furious that the Census bureau plans to ask about respondents’ citizenship in the 2020 decennial count.  Apparently, they think the tally of the people in the US shouldn’t ask people how they came to be in the US.  Just because it’s Constitutionally-mandated doesn’t mean it’s “woke.”

Former Hillary Clinton minion Brian Fallon isn’t happy that the Supreme Court may approve the addition of the citizenship question on the census form, tweeting his displeasure: “(taps mic) We need court reform.”  Sure Bri; (taps mic) you’re about to get it. (looks over at doddering Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg).

The Democrats continued trying to keep the “Russian collusion” narrative alive this week; although their choice of narrators might need some work.  Failed 2016 candidate Hillary Clinton penned an op-ed for the Washington Post in which she claimed “any other person who had engaged in” acts of which Trump is clearly not guilty “would certainly have been indicted.”  Considering the old girl is still on this side of prison, I’m not sure “any other person” would have been.

As the Democratic Presidential field expands, the candidates are stepping up their pandering game.  Longshot Rep. Eric Swalwell (D-CA) SPOILER ALERT: “I'm a white man. I know where I can't speak to someone else's experience and I pledge to: 1️⃣ Pass the mic 2️⃣ Ask a woman to serve as VP.” If Nuke-boy was really “woke,” he’d pass the mic permanently, and ask a woman to take his place.

Senator Cory Booker (D-NJ) told the liberal “She the People” forum that global warming remains a huge threat: “Asthma rates in communities like mine are significantly higher than rich, suburban areas. As President, I’ll make sure we fight for environmental justice, clean air, clean water, and the urgencies of climate change. We will rejoin the Paris Accords.“  Booker 2020: Make America Newark Again.

Liberal hate blog Huffington Post wants to know “Did Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's stunning victory in the 2018 midterms teach us that anyone can run for Congress?”  Chiquita Khrushchev inspired fewer than 20% of her district to show up at all on Election Day, and beat a zero of an opponent, in a district that even Nancy Pelosi said could be won by a “glass of water with a ‘D’ next to it.”  As long as their opponent is a potted plant, and 85% of the district can't be bothered to show up at the polls, sure!

Monday, April 22

Be on the lookout for “some people.”

Be on the lookout for “some people.”

  • Terrorism struck Sri Lanka over the weekend, as muslim extremists bombed churches and hotels, targeting Christians celebrating the Resurrection.  For Easter? They really shouldn’t have.  At least now we know what to get them for Ramadan this year.

  • While the attacks, which killed hundreds and injured hundreds more, were roundly condemned across the globe, the Democrat/media complex worked hard to obscure key facts about both the perpetrators and the victims.  Observers couldn’t help but notice news reports mentioned neither the Islamic religion of the bombers, nor the Christian identities of their targets.  It’s the Ilhan Omar style of reporting: “some people did something in Sri Lanka.”

  • Outrage from all sides as Broward County, FL Sheriff’s deputies were caught on video brutally subduing a young black man who had apparently done nothing wrong.  Remember when the same guys hid in the bushes while the Parkland massacre went down?  Hey liberals: hate to say we told you so, but..

  • Senator Elizabeth Warren tried dealing her fading campaign back into the 2020 game, announcing a plan to use the taxpayer’s credit card to pay off nearly 95% of all Americans’ student loan debt, make college “universal” and “free,” and pay for it with tax increases on the American people.  Gonna charge snowflakes’ “gender studies” degrees to John Q. Public’s American Express Card.  There’s a winning plan.

  • The “Green New Deal” may be dead, but New York City Mayor Bill DeBlasio is trying to reanimate its corpse in the Big Apple.  DeBlasio told the MSNBC morning gabfest Morning Joe “We’re going to ban the classic glass and steel skyscrapers, which are incredibly inefficient.”  DeBlasio also promised million dollar fines for building owners who drag their feet rebuilding their structures.  I know he’s the mayor of New York City, but has this guy ever seen New York City?

  • Media outlets have begun casting Special Counsel Robert Mueller as part of some nebulous conspiracy to shield President Donald Trump, even harassing Mueller and his wife as they tried to leave Easter Sunday service at their church.  Guess the left’s love affair with Mueller is over.  And I thought those kids had a real chance.

  • Coming soon to Netflix: Knock Down the House, a documentary about Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and other feminists’ 2016 House campaigns.  Just a small fee, and you can enjoy a few hours of Chiquita Khrushchev and the junior Politburo talking about themselves.  Or you could scoop out your own appendix with a melon baller.  You still have freedom of choice – for now.

  • And, just because the Mueller Report didn’t deliver them Trump’s head on a platter doesn’t mean the Democrats can’t still dream.  The New York Times ran an op-ed this morning, calling for Trump’s impeachment.  You can beat that horse all you want, libs.  Hell, you can even saddle it up.  It’s still dead.

Monday, April 15

Words are insufficient.

Words are insufficient.

  • Tragedy struck civilization as fire engulfed the Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris.  Although parts of the structure appear to have survived, the damage to the nearly 800 year-old structure is catastrophic.  No punchline; it’s just sad.

  • Tax Day 2019 arrived, and with it, liberal heavyweights’ incorrect assertions about how it works.  Outlets from the New York Times to Alyssa Milano shrieked bloody murder over the fact that many Americans’ refunds are down this year, a change they “blamed” on the GOP tax cut.  Far be it for me to correct an esteemed economist like Sam from "Who's the Boss," but the refunds are down because Americans overpaid less, thanks entirely to the GOP tax cut. 

  • Liberals ginned up the outrage meter as Attorney General William Barr is expected to release a redacted version of Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s report as early as Thursday.  The left is already floating the conspiracy theory that the redactions will obscure any evidence of wrongdoing by President Donald Trump.  Since Mueller himself approved the redactions, I guess this means he’s off their Christmas card list.

  • South Bend Mayor Pete Buttigieg may be running for President in the wrong country.  Buttigieg whined to a small gathering that the United States isn’t “much of a democracy when twice in my lifetime, the Electoral College has overruled the American people…"  The United States isn’t a Democracy at all; it’s a republic.  I thought this guy was a Rhodes Scholar?

  • Rep. Eric Swalwell (D-CA) may not have much of a Presidential campaign, he appears committed to destroying what campaign he does have.  The rabid anti-liberty candidate expanded his plan to confiscate legally-owned firearms to include imprisoning legal firearm owners who resist his government overreach.  If the Democrats nominate Nuke-boy, even BARRON Trump could beat him.

  • Among those racing to defend anti-Semitic Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-MN): anti-liberty activist David Hogg.  Hogg, infamous for exploiting the Parkland attack for fame and fortune, asked “Can we take a moment to think about how triggering the video trump posted for the thousands of people that lost someone they knew in 9/11?”  Gee Junior, what's more "triggering;" someone dismissing 9-11 as "something," or a video of them doing it?

  • An intramural fight has broken out inside the Democrat Party.  After dismissing Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s branch of her party as “like, 5 people,”  House Speaker Nancy Pelosi delivered another spanking, suggesting Chiquita Khrushchev isn’t quite the groundbreaker she thinks she is, claiming: “A glass of water with a ‘D’ next to its name” could have won NY-14.  A glass of water might even have inspired more than 15% of the district’s voters to bother going to the polls.

Green with Ennui: Global Warming and the Destruction of the Democrats’ Brand

Pictured: The calm before the catfight.

Pictured: The calm before the catfight.

I don’t want to say the Democrats bet their farm on the Mueller Report, but following Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s admission that 2 years and $35 million didn’t knock President Donald Trump out of the Oval Office, the loyal opposition bumbled into this week like a teenager who just found out her prom date left with the homecoming queen.  Considering their current circumstances, it’s fairly clear that the Democrats failed to come up with a “plan b.” 

The party is wracked with infighting, with the old guard grappling for control with young upstarts like the seemingly ubiquitous Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC).  That infighting was on full display Wednesday morning, when AOC visibly skipped House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s photo-op to announce the introduction of House Resolution 9, a watered-down version of AOC’s “green new deal.”  Not long after Pelosi’s presser, AOC threw a shrieking tantrum over the elitist nature of her legislation, which Pelosi had already dismissed as a “dream.”

In the Senate, Minority Leader Chuck Schumer announced the formation of a “Special Committee on the Climate Crisis.”  While the existence of a “climate crisis” is dubious, the existence of a Senate minority which is so terrified of global warming that they couldn’t bring themselves to vote for anti-global warming legislation – the “green new deal” lost 57-0 in the Senate, after 43 Democrats voted “present,” and 4 voted “hell no” – is painfully obvious.  Even more obvious is the fact that the Democrats’ heavyweights, who have certainly made plenty of noise over what they call a “climate crisis,” aren’t concerned enough about it to do more than form yet another committee to “study” it.

In the 3 days since word leaked that Mueller was going to clear the President of collusion with the Russians – simultaneously axe-murdering the left’s primary talking point – the port side politicos have managed to do absolutely nothing which even approaches proactive policy.  They’re too busy arguing over what to do about a crisis which people either don’t believe in, or don’t care all that much about, and who should lead whatever effort they finally decide upon.

Looking beyond their global warmist fantasies, the Democrats can fall back to their previous policy tentpole: anti-Semitism; a direction which has caused no shortage of intramural drama as Pelosi has tried to walk a high-wire between the rank-and-file, and the new stars like AOC and Reps. Ilhan Omar (D-MN) and Rashida Tlaib, all of whom have made hating Jews a matter of record.

I doubt victory on the global warming front would have saved the Democrats.  I can almost promise anti-Semitism isn’t the savior some of them think it might be.  Their party is splintering between left, and far left, and their best hope for unity died when Mueller reduced the impeachment of President Trump from “Democratic Senate majority-unlikely” to “green new deal-level pipe dream.”

Monday, March 25

There’s always personal injury law.  I hear Avenatti’s firm is looking for bodies.

There’s always personal injury law. I hear Avenatti’s firm is looking for bodies.

According to the summary delivered to Congress by Attorney General William Barr, the full report by  Special Counsel Robert Mueller exonerates the President of claims he and/or his people colluded with Russian agents to rig the 2016 election. The Democrats have asked Americans to respect their grief and privacy during this difficult time.

Now we finally have an answer to the age-old question: "How many Russians does it take to win an election over Hillary Clinton?"  To quote Dean Wormer from the movie Animal House: “Zero. Point. Zero.”

As expected, the Democrats aren’t giving up hope.  Senator Mazie Hirono (D-HI) gave voice to their dreams: “Just because there was not enough evidence for a criminal charge of conspiracy does not mean that there’s [not] a very cozy relationship that Donald Trump has with Vladimir Putin.”  Sure, Maize; just because we can't see your imaginary friend does not mean that she's not standing here with you.

Who can blame the left for their increasingly desperate attempts to keep their “Trump-Russia” narrative alive? Without Mueller to load their 2020 cannon, they’re left to choose between anti-Semitism, infanticide, or the always-popular communism.   

MSNBC morning comedian Joe Scarborough cautioned liberals to move on, reminding them that it’s “GOOD NEWS for America when someone as respected as Robert Mueller takes two years to methodically determine that the sitting president of the United States did not conspire with Russia. Take a breath.”  When Joe Scarborough is the smartest guy in the room, you’re in the wrong room.

Celebrity lawyer Michael Avenatti’s 15 minutes are apparently up.  The combative attorney, who CNN pundit Brian Stelter once identified as a “serious contender” for the Democrats’ 2020 nomination, has been arrested for his role in what Federal authorities are calling a conspiracy to extort $20 million from the Nike corporation.  You know who I feel bad for? The poor bastard who gets stuck w/ Michael Avenatti as a cellmate.  Imagine being stuck in a 6x with that gibbering buffoon.

Democrats were aghast as Israel began an operation to clear Hamas terrorists from sites in the Gaza Strip.  A terrorist group has been shelling them from their own attic.  Can’t blame them for calling the exterminator.

Joe Knows Collusion

We’re screwed!

We’re screwed!

Maybe it’s because the takes have been flying hot’n’ready from the left’s commentary kitchen in the wake of the collapse of the “Trump-Russia collusion” narrative.  Whether it’s Senator Mazie Hirono (D-HI) with her belief that “Just because there was not enough evidence for a criminal charge of conspiracy does not mean that there’s [not] a very cozy relationship that Donald Trump has with Vladimir Putin,” or Georgia gubernatorial also-ran Stacey Abrams comparing Attorney General William Barr’s summary of Mueller’s findings to “having your brother summarize your report card to your parents,” the Democrat denial machine has been cranking out so much volume, that sense has been drowned out by all the rending of garments and tearing of hair.  So, nobody heard MSNBC pundit Joe Scarborough offering up advice that the Democrats really ought to take:

Memo to Journalists: It is GOOD NEWS for America when someone as respected as Robert Mueller takes two years to methodically determine that the sitting president of the United States did not conspire with Russia. Take a breath.”

I don’t want to tell the Democrat/media complex how to run their circus, but when even your flying media monkeys think you might want to dial back on the crazy, you have some reevaluating to do.  Of course, when your remaining 2020 platform choices are either anti-Semitism, infanticide, or the eco-communist nonsense Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is pushing, I suppose the time for reevaluating has long since passed.


How’s that $40 million nothingburger taste?

How’s that $40 million nothingburger taste?

US Attorney General William Barr has delivered to Congress and the media a summary of conclusions from the report by Special Counsel Robert Mueller.  According to the summary, no U.S. or Trump campaign officials knowingly conspired with Russia. Furthermore, the Justice Department determined “the investigation is not sufficient to establish that the President committed an obstruction-of-justice offense.”

White House Press Secretary Sarah Sanders called the findings “a total and complete exoneration of the President of the United States,” while President Donald Trump took his celebration to Twitter: “No Collusion, No Obstruction, Complete and Total EXONERATION. KEEP AMERICA GREAT!”

The report, issued after 2 years and nearly $40 million in taxpayer funds, comes as the Democratic Party is struggling with internal division, a perceived power struggle between older liberals and younger far-left radicals, and deals a hammer blow to their 2020 candidate field.